> Process and Costs
Our strategy varies from case to case, as does the cost. Generally, we do a case in up to 4 steps, whereby you can stop or pause at any time you wish. The first 3 steps altogether typically take 1 or 2 months from start to final detailed report with videos / photos:
We do a preliminary assessment, which usually takes only a day or two. We make a decision on whether or not to accept the case. We accept approximately 80% of cases, but some biological parents seem too elusive to trace. Of those we accept, we give a quotation for step 2 below.
This step 2 normally takes a few days to a few weeks, with the time and cost depending on what details you have.
At the end of step 2, we give a quotation for an optional step 3, a field visit of the biological mother. Most families go further into step 3.
This is the most sensitive step of adoption tracing, and can make a big difference between success and failure in engaging the mother positively, and the nature and extent of an engagement. We usually get a very positive response, but this is based on experience and a very careful approach.
The first impression and initial reaction and attitude of the biological parent is very important, because they can get entrenched in this position, by way of their initial feelings and/or with their community. Biological parents are often shocked when they first find out that they are being contacted by their child. For example, if somebody just walks up and says they are looking for a Thai mother whereby others in their environment overhear this, then they might deny being the biological parent, then have a lie to stick to with everybody, and may create an unpleasant environment, the kind of feelings and situation we don't want to generate. Fear is a strong instinct, and imaginations can be very inaccurate.
We have a particular approach we use. In advance, we collect photos of the adopted child and the adoptive family, showing that the child has a very good life and a very loving family. We also prepare ourselves with a short story about the adopted person's history, which we translate into Thai. We can include additional things if you wish. Then, we use these in a gentle approach as follows:
We try to isolate the biological parent without telling them what we are there for. We smile and start to have a pleasant conversation and ask them whether they can help us. We show them the photos but don't tell them it's their biological child. We let them see the very nice photos and experience our pleasant and nonthreatening demeanor, and after they have absorbed this, we tell them we are secretly looking for the mother of this child. They immediately realize what this is about, if they are the biological mother, without us needing to say that this is their child, but only after they know that we are keeping their secret and trying to cooperate with them, so that they have a safe space. They also can avoid issues at this time, with both their family and community since we haven't actually said they are the biological parent, while keeping all their options open.
Being there in person, face to face, and able to reassure them, minimizes the chance of their running away and avoiding things. The most common reaction is an interpersonal engagement whereby they talk with us quietly for awhile and arrange to follow up, either at a nearby private location a short time later such as at a local coffee shop or electronically by an app which has very good privacy such as the Line app (and quite unlike some others) which also lets you delete chat items and photos later (some or all).
In contrast, we don't walk up to them in a government uniform, and we make very clear we have nothing to do with the Thai government and are just there as ordinary people on behalf of the adopted child and the adopted child's family. We don't attract attention, and we are dressed down for the occasion -- casual but respectable. This is very important because we don't want family and neighbors asking them questions, and many poor and less educated people are fearful of officials. They may also withhold some information from an official so it doesn't go into any official record, whereas we assure them that this is a private matter between them, the child & adoptive family, and us as totally private people, and we can assure confidentiality. This can make a significant difference.
Notably, we don't assume previous reports from others are nearly complete or even very accurate. When a government officer goes to a location in an authoritative uniform, people might react with fear by withholding information or stonewalling, or deny things, or mislead to try to protect their family member or somebody in their community. That can lead to inaccuracies. Also, government officers can withhold things from a report, too, so that it's not exhaustively complete, for various reasons. I have worked for my federal government before (the USA, and indeed it was that work that led me to Bangkok where the Asia Regional Office is, back in 1994 ...) so I understand how government officials can withhold information. Sometimes, they might not be sure about the reliability of their source, or have other doubts. Some other times, it might be to make their work, and their colleagues' work, less difficult and time consuming due to what they may consider to be unnecessary details, especially if those details may cause unnecessary delays in what they believe would be the same outcome (such as the best thing to do for the child, from the viewpoint of social services officers), to reduce red tape and delays. There are additional reasons why information may be withheld. Many career government officials are risk averse, so they will do and say the minimum. Reports can be cleansed by the layers of bureaucracy.
Years later, when trying to get more information on the history, some adoptive parents and adoptees have expressed frustration about getting more information.
I feel a lot more free to speak my mind as a private sector person in my own small business than I did working for the government or any official bureaucracy or group, and feel a lot more flexible in how I can interact with people. This is not adversarial about the government, it is simply how the world often works. I take their information as probably accurate, but maybe has inaccuracies for reasons beyond their control, and consider various other factors which can cause inaccuracies and/or incomplete reporting.
We appreciate the kinds of government officers who choose to apply to work in social services and who take care of children. Many of them have been in the category of the best kinds of humans on this planet, especially in Thailand. Some of them have been so lovely, such as those lower in the bureaucracy who handle the children.
However, getting responses from the upper bureaucracy may result in conservative, cleansed reports. One of the reasons can be risk aversion, as many career government officials will not take risks regarding their departments, their colleagues, and themselves (job performance). Many are cautious about potential social media posts which might bring attention to them with issues. Responses to inquiries may result in a conservative groupthink minimal reply. They might not even know things because multiple people are involved, and some information by somebody else might not have been recorded. Their jobs are often difficult and time consuming, whereby their work load limits how much time they can spend focused on any one particular case, which can lead to limited information and some things not being completely accurate.
We, as private investigators, try to find original sources to collect information and engage socially, in an independent way.
However, when we find additional information or inaccuracies relative to the government's reporting, we don't want to cause problems for people or the government, and try to be sensitive and understanding, not too judgmental. It's not a perfect world, of course. It can be difficult situations and a difficult job, possibly not what you may imagine, if you put your feet into their shoes. There are also sensitivities in social situations. Some things we find out should be kept confidential between us and the adoptee and adoptive family and others directly involved or who need to know. In all of our years of adoption tracing, we have not found anything which would make us criticize the government for making a child available for adoption. We have been able to see why it was judged that the best thing for the child was to find loving adoptive parents early in the child's psychological and physical development.
Regarding adoptions which happened after Thailand's Child Adoption Act of 1979, we have not seen any government corruption, nor commercial conspiracies, in our adoption tracing work in Thailand, unlike what has happened in many other countries. (Some cases involving adoptions before 1979 have revealed issues ...) Thailand has one of the best government systems in the world.
We want to be careful to not say or do anything which might cause unnecessary red tape for future children, too, as regards to what is clearly best for the child. Also, posts on social media should be sensitive to other adoptees. A person can idealistically ask "but what if" about countless things they may imagine, but the realities and practicalities we have found in our work have not led us to think that the process should be changed, generally. In this age of social media and internet where people post sensationalized things one-sidedly in order to get attention and shares, without telling the whole story in context, their own egos (and in some cases profits) could insensitively cause problems ...
Adoptions in Thailand are due to difficult situations which unfolded naturally. It is not a commercial enterprise. Thailand's Child Adoption Act of 1979 put processes and responsibilities squarely into the hands of the government and according to standard operating procedures, instead of things being run by questionable private businesses.
However, like with many government bureaucracies, there can still be significant shortcomings and limitations in what they are willing to do as regards the extra miles. You get basic administrative services, but focused, personalized service years later on one particular case is often way beyond their job responsibilities, and they have other responsibilities, too. Further, there are often potential benefits in trying a completely non-governmental person dressed in a normal manner to privately try to contact and handle the biological parent(s) and their families, and focus on your case.
We approach biological parents with an open mind and in a very unthreatening and positively engaging informal way. This also minimizes the chance they will just run away from the situation and avoid it. Since we are there in person and have already engaged with them socially, we are more likely to get a spontaneous and positive response.
We've had a wide variety of responses, but the positive engagements far outnumber the negative ones, and we can also tell from peoples' reactions whether or not they are the biological parent. Occasionally, there is an exception, such as when somebody else has used their name, which can sometimes be proven such as if they have another child born the same year whereby the official adoption record would be impossible, or else have old photos and events from that time, and people who are not the biological parent are usually relaxed, open, curious, and don't try to hide anything from anybody whereby they may go show others. These are a small minority of cases, but should be mentioned. By far the most common outcome is that they are the biological parent, they acknowledge it, and we are able to positively engage with them to at least some extent, depending upon their current circumstances and various factors. In rare instances when they deny being the biological parent, their responses may make us suspect otherwise.
Many biological parents eventually tell the rest of their family, especially their children who are half (or full) siblings of the adopted person. However, some biological parents maintain a secret, even if they meet their child and the adoptive family later in another location. Some biological parents avoid it altogether, but those are a very small percentage.
The cost of this step depends mainly on the family's location, in most cases. Thailand is a large country, stretching approximately 1600 km (1000 miles) from its northernmost to its southernmost borders, and roughly 800 km (500 miles) wide. Some locations are more difficult to get to than others. Some places even our CRV could not go to, and we had to walk it or take a motorcycle on the last leg.
We often split step 3 into two smaller steps, each with a different cost. For example, we may agree that we should visit the mother first, and budget only for that. After visiting the mother, we may decide together whether or not to visit the father, based on the feedback from the mother. If they are together or near each other, then we may as well visit them both at the same time to save costs, which is a lot more economical than visiting two parents who are a long distance from each other.
Each case is different.
The end result is a report in English about our findings, usually a message from the biological parent(s), contact information for the biological parent(s) (if they want for us to pass it on), and usually photos / videos of the biological parent(s) and their environment (and sometimes their extended family if they include them.
We are also here to support you, whereby you can call or email or chat with us and get quick responses.
This step 3 typically takes a week to a month, depending upon the location and our schedule.
At any time in the future, the family or the adoptee may want to visit their biological family. This could be months or years in the future. We can help with another step:
At any step, if you wish to contact the biological family directly, you can do so. Most people continue to use us as a facilitator, translator, and adviser. However, that is all optional, at any step.
Some biological parents do not have internet access and prefer to just call us on the phone to talk, or use written letters, so that we relay verbal messages as well as letters. They often mail the letters to our office in Bangkok, where we scan and email them to you together with a translation right away. Things can go back in the other direction the same way. For postal mailed items, if you want to mail presents to the biological family, you may want to send them to our Bangkok office, and then in turn we send them to the outer province by Thai Post using domestic express registered mail (EMS) whereby we (and you) can track the item online on the Thai Post website and get a receipt.
Notably, we have a professional Thai-English translation division at our company. The website is www.ThaiEnglish.com and this division has been operating since the same time we started adoption tracing, back in 2002. However, it is a separate division of our company from adoption tracing / private investigations, albeit just walking into an adjacent room. Actually, we do most translations using one of our adoption tracing staff, but we have our translations proofread by our professional translation division. We have a lot of experience translating communications between biological and adoptive families, including:
You are welcome to switch to a translator or interpreter of your choice. Our core competencies are private investigations and the sensitive procedure of initial contact of the biological family in order to try to gain a positive attitude and maximum cooperation, as discussed elsewhere on this website.
This page just covers the process in general, as an overview.
> Process and Costs
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